Whistle
by Felicionem
Summary: My sequel to Song Bird. Rue, Thresh and Ed were rescued by Thirteen, but they're far from safe. With Coin wanting to use them as puppets, and arguments breaking out between them, where can they go and what can they do? The Quarter Quell is announced and Rue knows it will only be a short time before the War begins. Rue/ Thresh/ Ed's POV!
1. Chapter 1

Whistle- Chapter 1

**Hey! So this is my sequel to my other story, 'Song Bird'. It's still in Thresh and Rue's POV and I hope you like it! I don't own the Hunger Games! :) 3 **

**Rue's POV**

_Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. District Twelve. Star-crossed lovers. Victors of the 74th Hunger Games. _

I watch them kiss sweetly on stage, speaking at a banquet. It's all that anyone has spoken about here in thirteen.

_'They're amazing! Katniss has actually started uprisings!' _

Well, not yet but there is plenty of talk about them.

There were two winners of the Hunger Games this year, as Katniss and Peeta threatened to commit suicide, rather than live without each other. They were so close to dying too.

There may have only been two winners, but five people got out of the Hunger Games alive. Ed, from District ten, who was part of a huge conspiracy to bring down the Capitol with Thirteen. And then, Thresh and me, both from District Eleven were rescued. I still don't know why I was rescued yet but I'm glad I got them to save Thresh.

It's been five months since the Games ended and talk of uprisings are still getting worse. Thirteen wants a rebellion as the Capitol are cruel and unfair. It was thirteen who killed my family, my three sisters, Stella, Fluer and Lily, my two brothers, Felix and Jude and my parents.

All dead. I held my own little funeral, I was allowed seven candles to light and I collected lots of flowers from outside to put with them. It's the only time I've been outside since I got here. It was nice, I'm so used to being outside, with fresh air and wind sweeping at me face. I love to climb trees.

When thirteen was destroyed, the President signed something to say that they would mostly remain underground. If this law is breach or broken, they have the right to wipe out the district, which is fully in their power. So going outside is limited to if needed.

I've met the President Coin. She is horrible and cruel. I don't like her at all. I should be grateful she saved me but I'm not. She let other children die before and she only saved me to get what she wanted.

It's Ed I'm grateful to, for saving Thresh for me. He got the soldiers to rescue him and I can never thank him enough. Ed and I have become really good friends, we helped each other in the arena and he still helps me find my way around thirteen. It's a bug place and he's been living here most of his life.

I turn into a supply closet, a big one with plenty of space and climb up the shelves. The bad thing is, Ed and I aren't meant to be friends, Coin forbade us to see or speak to each other. We were told no reason but I'm guessing Ed knows more than I do about it. He won't tell me though.

I hide in my usually corner, right above the door. If anyone is to come in, the chances of them seeing me are very unlikely. Hardly anyone comes n here anyway but I have to be careful.

The door opens slowly and I hold my breath, until the door shuts and I see the the top of a head, covered in blonde, messy hair. I reach down and ruffle it up. Ed has grown a lot since we first were here.

"You really need a haircut!" I smile, joking around. He looks up at me with his green eyes and smiles back.

"Always nice to see you Rue." he jokes right back sarcastic, smoothing over his hair. I think of my own curly, uncontrollable dark hair that matches my dark brown eyes. I help him climb up onto the top self. Part of his reason, for going into the Games for Thirteen was that they fixed his bad keg, they have but he still struggles to put lots of weight on it.

I think back to when we were running from the Careers, how slow he could walk and wonder why Thirteen hadn't fixed it before he risked his life for them. It would have been so much easier.

Ed was born in Thirteen, is 14 years old but moved secretly to ten, where they made sure his name was reaped as the male tribute. We met up in the Games and I helped him. When I was injured by a spear, thrown by a Career called Marvel, I died for a little while. Enough time passed that a canon was fired and I was removed from the arena. Thirteen, pretended to be the Capitol, took me and saved my life. Ed pretended to be a doctor to see me.

"You alright?" he asks, pulling me in for a hug. We then sit in the corner, leaning against the wall.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"Tired. I've been up all night."

Ed works as part of a training program for Thirteen, he helps out adults as a sort of runner.

"You should be in bed." I say, but he just laughs under his breath.

"I'm alright, really. Presides, of I was in bed, I would have missed seeing you." I smile at him.

We try to meet up as often as we can in different places. This is our favourite by far because it has paper and pens that we play games on. We can sit for hours, Ed lives alone so no one notices he's missing and Thresh covers for me.

After Thresh came to thirteen, I moved into a dorm with him, as I am not old enough to live on my own but Thresh is, he offered to 'look after' me. It's a great situation, Thresh and I are great friends but I don't really need looking after. Ed gets to live on his own because he is a loyal citizen to Thirteen and he came to an agreement. Plus, they don't think he is mentally uncontrolled and if left alone will resort to stabbing himself with a fork.

That's just me.

"What have you been doing than?" I ask, pulling out a piece of paper and drawing. I've never had the time to sketch but now I have plenty, I'm not always modest but I have to admit my drawings aren't bad at all.

As he talks, I draw Ed.

"There's talk about an uprising in eight. Some of our plants have been told that someone has been storing weapons for such a time so we were trying to find a way to find out who it was. I was sorting files of paper work on who it could be."

"Any luck?" I ask, adding more shape to his eyes, I don't even have to look properly any more, I've drawn Ed so many times I can see him perfectly.

"Not much, it could be anyone and eight is huge." he sighs sleepily.

"Bigger than Eleven?"

My District, is huge compared to every other one that I know, Katniss told me that twelve are tiny. We need lots and lots of people to harvest all the food in time. At our reapings, the tributes are chosen before so we can fit all the children in. A list of children, from 12 to 18 goes up to say whether or not you have to go.

"Not quite as big as Eleven."

He shits his eyes and rest his head against the top of my shoulder. Within seconds, he is sleeping. I continue to sketch him for a while, adding shades of colour. It takes me at least 15 minutes to get his eyes the right shade of green.

It's so quiet, except the sound of my pencils scratching the paper and Ed's loud breathing. There's no clock or windows to tell how long we have been in here but it's been a long time and Thresh will be worried about me. Gently, I shake Ed awake.

"Ed." I whisper as he starts to stir, "We have to go now."

He opens his eyes and looks around, than back at me and smiles sleepily.

"I'm sorry." he yawns. Where he was sleeping feels cold now and I smooth the top down.

"Don't be." I say, checking through our tiny hole that the coast is clear. It is so I slip down. Ed follows less gracefully.

"See you soon." I add, slowly opening the door, we never make a set time because if one of us can't make it, we can't tell them. Mostly, we just know each other's timetable and fit around it.

I slip out the door and Ed stays behind, waiting for a while before coming out like usually. I walk down the corridor, into a huge room where the television is and watch a clip from the Games, just a second before turning away. I don't want to relive the Games or remember it.

A few of my new friends stop to say hello, including Holly and Sarah, from ten who were one of the first people I met. Holly is tiny and Sarah is too but there are both cheerful and optimistic. Sarah's husband and Holly's Dad died to give them enough time to flee. They made it to Thirteen, only just, when Holly was still a baby. Sarah doesn't want her husbands death to be a waste so she keeps happy and busy, trying to make a better life for Holly.

"'ello 'Ue." lisps Holly, grinning at me, revealing a gap in the front of her teeth.

"Hi Holly, lost a tooth?" She nods wildly, tapping her teeth.

"I 'ave a gap."

I chat with Sarah and Holly for a few minutes before carrying on. It's not a very long walk to our dorm but I walk briskly so I am not late. I open our door and see Thresh sat reading in the corner.

"Hey Thresh." I say, he doesn't appear to have noticed my long absence.

"Hey Sugar." he says happily, turning to face me. His dark hair is longer than ever and falls just above his warm brown eyes. He's no taller or shorter than he was during the Games but he seems smaller to me, because I've grown.

Before the Games began, and we were in the Capitol, Thresh caught me dipping my finger in sugar and eating it. Since then, he has called me sugar. I like the name but it's another reminder of the Games. This memory is one of the few good ones, Thresh and I became friends that night.

"How's Ed?" he asks as I sit next to him. He keeps his voice down, we never know if someone is listening in on us.

"He's good. Tired. How are you?"

Thresh doesn't work properly yet, he's completing his school courses as he wants to work. Here, most people finish school at the age of six-teen but Thresh is doing extra. It's a time thing, he has lots of time and nothing to do.

I spend all my free time with Ed, but Thresh is less pleased about making new friends. It's harder for him.

"Stuck." he answers, crossing out another line of his handwriting. "We have an exam next week."

Thresh wants to be an officer and fight in the war, to do this he needs to pass physical and mental tests. He had to visit a Doctor every week for a mental health check, as well as handing in several papers to test his memory.

"What about?" I ask, stroking a pillow.

"My family." he huffs angrily, "Can you believe it? Two hundred words on my family!"

I keep quiet. That seems too perfect to just be random, his doctor must have chosen this topic especially to see how he copes. Thresh knows this but he still has to actually write down about his family.

To start with, we spoke about eleven a lot and our families. Thresh's Mum was killed with mine too. He got to hold his own funeral and he came to mine. Over the last few months, we stopped talking about them so much and now we never do. It's too painful.

"You'll think of something." I say quietly, trying to block the unpleasant memories that threaten to bubble.

"Yeah." he sighs, putting down his paper. "I'm going to get something to eat, coming?"

I shake my head, "I'm not hungry." I reply. He gives me a slight funny look. I've lost lots of weight since coming here, which I shouldn't because we generally have more food, it's just I forget about meals or I don't get hungry at all. It's hard to force the sludge down my throat. I shake my head again and Thresh walks out, leaving me think about my family.


	2. Chapter 2

Whistle- Chapter 2

**THESH'S POV**

I make my way to the dinner area, keeping my head down. Everyone sees me anyway, I stick out in a crowd. I'm taller than almost everyone, noticeable. Rue doesn't know hoe lucky she is to walk around and not be noticed.

I'm very worried about Rue. I do everything I can to make her feel better, I don't talk about her family or eleven any more, it upset her too much. Even living together, I thought would help her but all it does it allow me to hear how she cries herself to sleep every night. Most nights I am awoken to her screaming out but I can't go in and say anything.

What could I say? That everything is better now? We can't go outside at all, we can't even talk because someone is properly listening in on us. We lost all privacy we ever had. Neither of us can work any more, we frequently have to go and see doctors.

That's why I'm happy to cover for her when she goes to see Ed. Being her carer, I should stop her but I know she likes him and it would only make her sadder not too. The only times I can get her to eat is if she has just been to see Ed, she's happiest with him.

I wish I could make her happy but I can't. I can't always be there to give her a shoulder to cry on or a comforting time. Ed is brilliant at it, I am not. She's losing lots of weight that she doesn't have, she doesn't sleep enough at all. The hospital tried to give her drugs but she hated them. Her theripist is rubbish too, we have the same one. All she says is that we are safe now which is a bunch of crap.

We are never safe.

If I could get her to admit she is hurting than I could help her but she keeps it all to herself, Rue always wants what's best for everyone except herself. She's so unselfish but right now it's making her sick.

She doesn't get out enough, I try to stay with her but if I do she leaves. She has some friends but they all have jobs and she gets lonely. School doesn't help either, we have to work from home as Rue is too 'dangerous' to be around lots of other children apparently, which is stupid. They are saying the girl who went into the Hunger Games and refused to kill anyone is dangerous!

I keep telling myself things have to get better now, that everything will work out. The last five months have been improving slightly. I think what Rue needs more than therapy, more than friends is time. Time to heal.

She doesn't smile properly a lot, when I ask her if she's okay she gives me a small smile. It's so fake, I can see right through it.

I scan the dinner room for the person I'm looking for, he's sitting, looking tiered and playing with his food. I walk over.

"Ed." I say and he looks up, then pulls out the chair next to him.

"I need to talk to you about Rue." I say, before I change my mind.

He sits up straighter and stops eating, giving me his full attention.

"She's not happy around me, I'm worried about her." I say and he nods slightly, frowning as if he is thinking deeply.

"And she's not eating, or getting out enough. Rue used to like to go outside and now she can't even see out a window, she's not coping and her dam therapist sucks!" I keep my voice down, so we aren't overheard. I doubt Ed and I are suppose to talk either.

"I know." he replies simply, then adding, "But what do we do?"

I draw back. This wasn't really what I was excepting from Ed. We don't talk much, I like him but I'm worried he's going to hurt Rue. Just by the pained look on his face, I can see he really wants to help.

"She likes seeing you," I start gently, "It's the only time I can get her to eat, after she comes back from seeing you, she likes to have people she can trust. I want her to be able not to sneak around to see you, or at least be able to see you more."

"I'm not suppose to see her at all, it's hard. There are things that they think I'll tell her."

"So sign something, work out an agreement with your boss or whoever. It doesn't matter, kiss some shoes, butter some people up." I lean forward even closer. "I know how much you like seeing her, I know how much you care about her."

He struggles to stay cool, I see the tips of his ears turn red.

"I'll try. What else?" he mumbles, still not meeting my gaze.

"She's not dangerous, I think she needs a job. She used to work six hours a day, more even and now she's bored, she has too much time to think and sit around."

"Right, I'll see what I can do." he says very politely, turning back to his meal and taking a bite. I think about staying here but he is clearing dismissing me. I could be wrong, he might not feel the way I think he does.

I make my way to the station, getting a bowl of mashed carrots, I try not to look to repulsed when they put a pile of it in a bowl. Rue might benefit from eating some decent food too.

I should be very grateful to thirteen, but I am not. They were going to let me die, even thought they could have saved me and Rue. They could have saved Bell too and a lot of other people. I owe them nothing at all, I owe Rue my life and Ed.

I sit and chew my carrots into bulb until I've eaten most of it. It's much easier to eat this stuff when it's hot. I sit and continue to sit and think, I can't go back and see Rue. Not looking at her sad eyes and knowing theirs nothing I can say to make the pain go away. It's selfish to avoid her, she doesn't see Ed enough or have many other friends.

Someone taps me on the shoulder and I spin around to see Ed.

"I promise to talk to someone, to help her." he rushes quickly, then walks away as fast as possible.

He's right, of course he is right. Thresh knows better than anyone about Rue. He's known her for much longer. Even I can see the tears she refuses to let fall, how she only draws what she can see in front of her and how she gets so distracted.

Talking to her sometimes, it's like talking to someone asleep. I have to repeat everything just for it to register. But then there are other times, when we sit and can talk for hours about nothing, I listen to her stories, she makes me laugh. She smiles occasionally to me but I can't seem to make her laugh.

I've tried to ignore it for so long, I hoped she would just one day get better. Stupid, I know but if Thresh sees it than I have to help. First stop, the president.

On the rare times I've seen the president, just before I went to the Games, when I got back and on the television, they have not been even remotely pleasant. She's so uniform and it's like I'm talking to a law book. Today, I have to talk to her.

I step up to an officer and say with as much confidence as I have got, "I'm Ed Millery and I need to talk to President Coin as soon as possible."

The officer looks me over and then pulls out his radio to message someone.

"President Coin, there's a boy here to see you, Ed Millery."

He nods at me to carry on through as he opens the door. I take one tiny step at a time, breathing deeply.

The president, a well dress lady with perfect hair, opens the door to me. I am not greeted with any kind of smile, only a nod. I take it.

"Hello Edward. What brings you to me today?" she asks nicely, pulling out a chair to sit on. She gestures for me to do the same, reluctantly I sit down.

"It's about my rules about seeing or coming in contact with my fellow Victor, Rue Camdpn."

Unexpectedly, her facial expression doesn't change and I carry on, "I want to be able to see her."

"It was to my knowledge that you were informed that you couldn't see or speak to her for security reasons."

"Yes, I am fully aware of that but..."

She cuts me off. "Why now? Does this have to do with your conversation with Thresh Callow earlier? I thought we told you to keep away from both of our tributes."

"He came to talk to me. He's worried about Rue. She's sick!" I say, getting more angry at the minute.

"Sick?" she asks curiously, "What do you mean?"

"She's not eating or sleeping. She's stuck in her apartment all day. She's not mending from her family's death and it's not getting any better."

"So what can you do? Why can _you_ help her?"

I lean back in my chair, flushing scarlet in my cheeks.

"I can talk to her, she needs a friend."

"A friend?" repeats the president. I don't trust myself to speak so I just nod.

"I don't think that's very wise Edward, the last thing that we need..." she doesn't get a change to finish.

"You need her President Coin, you know you do so do you really want her to be sick and starved?"

"Me? I need her? You forget we are on the same side Edward."

"I'm not on anyone's side who will let someone innocent suffer for no good reason. I won't tell her anything, I swear. You can even give us a certain time to spend together or something. I don't mind." then I add, "But we spend time together alone. No bugs or plants or guards. If I find any, I'll tell her everything."

The president considers this for at least two minutes, looking at me, I can't hold her glare so I study the floor.

"Fine. You will be able to see her, as long as you spill no information of any sort. You will be either in her apartment, or in your own. You can eat with her at meals if you have the same time."

That sound very fair. This way, I can spend time with Rue but they know where we are, or they can see what we are doing.

"Anything else?" she asks.

"Yeah, Rue isn't dangerous. She used to have a job."

"You want me to give her a job?"

"Aren't the rules that every able member of thirteen must have a job or school work? I think a job would be effective as making her a part of thirteen."

"Any thing in mind?"

"Something simple but time consuming. I guess she can't go outside?" Coin confirms this with a stern look.

"In an office?"she suggests, "That way there will be people keeping an eye on her."

"Sounds good. One more thing..." I hesitate to ask this. Coin is being nice so far but I can't push things too far with her. "Is it possible, as part of her therapy that Rue might have a hobby? Something to work on when she isn't working?"

"What kind of hobby?"

"She likes drawing, it's a good way to calm down too." I cringe, realising too late my mistake. If I hadn't seen seeing Rue, how would I know that she likes drawing?

"Fine. I'll have her issued paper and pencils each month. But Edward?" I look at her stern, warning face and know she's serious.

"If there's no improvement in a month, that's in. We can't afford to have a loose threads on our side."

In others word, I screw up, and we're both dead.


	3. Chapter 3

Whistle- Chapter 3

**Ed's POV**

I walk over to Rue's compartment, pausing before knocking on the door.

Pause.

No answer.

I knock again, harder this time and I see it creek open and Rue's eyes peer out. It widens in shock and she pulls me through the door. I drop all the paper I was holding with pencils onto the floor.

"What are you doing here Ed?" she cries worriedly, scooping up all the dropped items.

"What are these? Did you take them?"

I wait for her to gather them all up and keep silent. She picks up one right next to my foot, the last one and stand up a few centimetre in front of me.

"Guess what?" I say coolly but I can't help but smile at her face. So puzzled.

"What?" she eyes me down, wondering.

"I spoke to Coin today."

"You did what? Why?"

"I asked if I could see you, in public I mean. She agreed!"

For the first time in weeks, make that months, I see a genuinely happy smile. It reaches her eyes and make her while face light up in delight. It makes all my time spent with Coin, totally worth it.

"That's amazing!" she says, hugging me. "We can really spend time together?"

I nod and grin. "There are rules, we can't go out anywhere or anything, it has to be in one of our apartments or at dinner time."

"We can even eat together!" she asks happily, and I'm glad she hasn't stopped smiling.

"The papers are for you drawing, I asked about that too. You get a limited supply every month."

"For me?"

"Yep, and that's not all. I got you a job!"

"You got me a job? Really? What doing?" she says all at once.

"In an office, I know it's not like your job before but it's nice and I thought..."

She stops my words by pressing her lip against mine. Momentarily, I am stunning but I kiss her back. It feel so warm to have her lips on my own and I wrap my arms around her neck, drawing her closer to me. Eventually, after it feels like my brain has fried and my legs have turned to jelly, she pulls away.

"Thank you!" she grins, her face flushed. And then she actually laughs. A real, honest laugh that fills the room. A light, warm feeling arising in my stomach, replacing the butterflies that were there a moment ago.

"I'm really sorry Rue, but I've got to go." My good mood quickly starts to fade as her smile does.

"I can see you any time I want now though! You've got to report for stamping at 7am and they will show you where to go. I'll try to come and see you at work."

It crosses my mind to kiss her on the cheek but I let it go.

"Bye." she says sweetly.

"See you soon." I say as I shut the door, because I know I can.

**Rue's POV**

I kissed him. I actually kissed Ed.

My friend Ed. Who I can trust and have a simple relationship with.

I am officially, the world's biggest idiot.

What the hell was I thinking?

_He kissed me back though. _

He's properly just too nice to say he doesn't like me in that way.

He did get me a job and spoke to Coin herself so he could see me. And he got me paper and pencils.

And a job! I will be working! I hate being stuck here all day, not being able to help at all with the people who saved Thresh's life. I owe Ed, I wish I could work nearer to him but that is the only tiny thing wrong with this job. Everything else is perfect about it and Coin's permission to see Ed. I can eat with him and we can see each other without sneaking around so much!

That is, if Ed wants to see me again. He did sort of rush out on me but he is busy and it is late. He was red but that could have been from a huge number of things. It's incredibly hot down here, well, it is tonight.

Carefully, I pick up a sharpened pencil and new piece of paper and start to draw.

I'm just finishing off my sketch when Thresh walks into the room.

"Thank you." I smile at him and he looks shocked, I know he had something to do with Ed. It seems to likely that Ed and Thresh would eat at the same time and then suddenly Ed would just think to go and talk to the president. I avoid talking to Ed about how badly I'm doing, I think his idea about eating together was about Thresh.

"For what?" he asks too innocently as he sits down next to me. I slide my work onto my lap, not wanting him to see it.

"For talking to Ed for me."

"Ed?" he says even more innocently, "What did Ed say to you?"

"He and I can see each other," smiling at him. "In public, when we like and he got me a job and some paper and stuff so I can draw!" I hold up my empty paper to show him my lovely present.

"That's great Sugar! Congratulations! When do you start?"

"Tomorrow morning, I work in an office. I don't know what I'm doing yet."

I check my clock, 9:30pm.

"I'm going to bed now!" I practically sing, "so tomorrow will get here sooner!"

"Goodnight Sugar."

"Night."

"Sweet dreams!" he shouts to me as I skip into my bedroom. It doesn't matter that I won't have sweet dreams, all that matters is that sleep will bring tomorrow.

**Another chapter! Agrh! I'm watching a horror film, Severance! Happy thoughts happy thoughts... but there was this bit where someone got their head smashed in a rock and all I could think about was the Hunger Games, someone even got their leg cut off! But he died unlike Peeta! Anyway, hope you like it and tell me what you think! :D **


	4. Chapter 4

Whistle- Chapter 4

**Ed's POV**

At quarter to seven, I wait outside Rue's door, ready for when she comes out. I've thought a lot about yesterday, how happy she was and how she kissed me. I've even planned out what I'm going to say to her when she comes out.

I want to make her happy.

Ten to seven.

Five to.

At three minutes to, I knock on the door. A very alert Thresh opens the door.

"You. Are. Brilliant!" he beams at me, looking very happy, from what I've seen of Thresh, he's very one worded and quiet. Rue thinks differently, she says he's just shy. A guy of his size, which is a hell of a lot bigger than me, shouldn't be shy. He looks like he could crush me with one finger.

"Why?" I ask, looking into his room. I can't see Rue anywhere, or hear her. She can't still be asleep. She's got work...right now!

"Rue hasn't been as happy as this since...well, for a very long time."

"That's great! Is she in?"

"No, sorry. She left ages ago for work, she didn't say she was meeting you."

"She wasn't going too." I mumble, "Is she really okay?"

"Okay? She was practically jumping up the walls with glee yesterday and this morning. She's so excited she can see you properly now."

"Seeing me? That's not what she's happy about surely, it's the job."

"No, seriously. She hated how little she got to see of you. She told me this morning that she's going to see about coming round to your apartment after her first day. She said she has to tell you something."

"Did she? Any mention of what it was about?"

"Not really, she said it was important. Something about yesterday."

"Right," I say with as much cheeriness as I can muster. "I best get going. See you later Thresh."

He shuts the door after replying and I just stand there momentarily, thinking about what Rue might want to say to me. I can't be that bad, if she's so happy but it could be bad for me. I want to know. Badly. Later can't come soon enough.

**Rue's POV**

I walk quietly into my new office. I'm far too early but I couldn't wait any longer. I thought about going to see Ed before work but decided it's too early for him to be awake. Since he was up all night the other day, he must be on some sort of break. My offices aren't that far from his work space anyway. A five minute walk maybe.

I still don't know my way around thirteen, it's much bigger than I thought. Much, much bigger. They did very well, considering they started with hardly anything at all after most of their land was destroyed in the dark days.

My boss, Amy, is waiting at her station. I walk up and stand right next to the desk. She doesn't look up. Realising that she properly didn't hear me walking in, I clear my throat softly, immediately she jumps from the sight of me.

"Hello darling!" she says with the very hint Capitol accent, "How are you?"

"I'm good. I'm working for you now? My name's Rue."

"I know that! You're the new girl!" she beams very white teeth at me. "How old are you love?"

"Thirteen." I answer, smoothing down my crease-free top.

"Really? My, your a small one. So you know letter and whatnot?"

"Yes." I say shyly, wanting to move away from her cheery personality. She's got very blonde hair that bounces up, with a mix of brown and blue eyes that open wide like she's shocked. Her face is pale except her cheeks that are very pink.

"Well then, can you get set and write up my work? Do you have neat handwriting?"

I nod, my lettering is good for someone my age.

"Good, all these need doing too please." she hands me at least five sheets of paper and I take them carefully, looking for a place to sit

"In there." she points into a nearby door-way that opens to show two other girls sitting at separate chairs. They both jump up when they see me and trap me in a hug, squealing hello.

The slightly taller girl with brown hair and eyes lets go for me to breath. She's sweet looking, about 16.

"Hello!" she says happily, "I'm Emmer."

"And I'm Marcia!" adds the older girl, with dirty blonde hair and slightly golden eyes. She's very tall, her thirteen trousers hanging above her ankles.

"Hi, I'm Rue."

Neither of them seem to notice my hesitance or nervousness.

Marcia turns to Emmer to talk, "I told you she was wasn't our age! But how brilliant! This is going to be so much fun!"

Emmer closes the door and points to a desk. "That's where you work. It's got pens and paper too. Whatever we waste, we have to pay for! You met Amy?"

I nod my head, sitting down at my desk. It's not very big or polished like the Capitol's ones but it's nice.

"Great! She's nice! From the Capitol like me!" squeals Emmer happily.

"Really?" Emmer has no Capitol accent or look to her.

"Yes! I was born there. My Mother used to be part of the Games, she was offered a job here just over five months ago. At first, I didn't want to go but I knew the Games were wrong! I didn't like the Capitol."

"That's nice!" I'm so happy they like me, they seem lovely to work with. "Who's your Mum?"

Emmer gives me a slightly pointed look as if my question confuses her. " Ancealia Quiel." she says.

Ancealia Quiel?

Ancealia Quiel?

It can't be her.

It can't be my stylist.

**Hey! I hope you are enjoying the story so far! Please review, I love it when people tell me what they think! :) I have no idea how long this is going to be, I've written 16 chapters already but I could change it! If I get enough encouragement, I might write 40 chapters like Song Bird! It was fun last time! :D **


	5. Chapter 5

Whistle- Chapter 5

"Really? You mean my stylist is your Mum?" I stare at her baffled. She looks nothing like her Mum, but then there was nothing natural about her Mum. Pointed teeth, purple and red hair, far too skinny.

"Yes! She told me it was thanks to you that she took the job!"

My last conversation of her in the Games, I told her to take the job!

"_Look Rue, I know you don't like me but I'm not all evil. I try to help you and all the other tributes."_

"_I know, you're just doing your job, you're good at it too." _

"_But what if my job isn't what I want to do? I don't like meeting two people every year, fixing them up and then being the last person they see before they die! I can't find ways to comfort them, not any more. I used to think it was good, what they were doing but now...now I just see this is a way of slaughtering children for fun!" _

"_So quit your job! Do what you really want to do. You have a choice of what your life will be. Take it!" _

"_What if I'm too scared?" _

"_I'm scared too! All of us are, even the Careers! But your life isn't like the Games, you don't have to die!" _

"_I might."_

"_Would you rather live unhappily then die happy?" I ask._

I actually told her to take this job!

"Is she okay?" I say to Emmer, who looks slightly alarmed.

"Actually Rue, she was caught...by the Capitol I mean. I don't know where she is."

"I'm...I'm so sorry, it's all my fault!" I wail, hiding my face with my hands. I killed her!

"No Rue! It wasn't for this job! She was caught talking to a Avox! It wasn't because of this job! If she hadn't excepted the job, they wouldn't have saved me and I would be captured too! You saved my live!"

I look up at her honest face and kind smile.

"Oh. I'm still sorry about your Mum."

"She might not be dead, I'm told they just captured her. People tell me she's still alive. I mustn't give up hope." She says it so positively, I can see she believes it.

I spend an half an hour chatting to Emmer and Marcia while I copy out all my work. I use my best handwriting, making sure not to rush. Even going slowly, Amy is shocked at how quickly I worked through them.

"You are amazing! They said you might not do very well! I don't know what they were no about Sweetie! You positive bunny!"

I blush and look down at the floor embarrassed at all the noise she is making.

"Okay, do you think you can manage all of these?" she hold up a huge pile of papers.

"Not just for today! Work on them for as long as you like Love! That should last you a while at least! You have lunch with the girls and end at the same time!"

I walk back into the room, carrying my papers with two hands to hold them all. Both girls look shocked at my amount of work to do.

"All that?" asks Marcia, helping me put them all down.

"To last a long time though!"

This is great! I love work, but I'm not going to tell the girls quite yet, they look appalled I'm not fussing at all. Both of them seem to think that this is a lot of work. I'm used to working hard, I'm very close to telling them that if we didn't work hard, we got whipped but I get too distracted as Marcia starts to explain a new game called 'hangman'.

At quarter past 12, we go and get some lunch. I sit with Emmer and Marcia who both eat together anyway. Marcia is from ten, which was bombed badly, lots and lots of people were killed, including her parents and her older sister.

They don't ask about my family, I tell them I live with Thresh, who they both know from the Games.

"Oh!" squeals Emmer, "Are you related?"

"No, just friends. I'm not allowed to live on my own so he said he'd watch me. I like it."

"Marcia has a crush on him!" squeaks Emmer, jumping up and down in her chair and laughing.

"Do you? Isn't he a bit old for you?"" I joke with her.

"No! We're the same age!"

Really? She looks younger than she is then, like me. She's tall but got an innocent, cute face with dimples that show when she hasn't stolen any of her age from her, or changed her looks from what I can see.

"I'll introduce you to him sometime." I say and she turns bright red with delight.

About half way through our meal, a boy comes up to us, he's from one. He has that kind of blonde look that Glimmer and Marvel had. He asks to sit down and takes the seat next to me.

"Hi." he says in a low voice, "I'm Dazzle."

Ergh. What is wrong with the names that are given in District One? It takes effort just not to laugh at his name. Not to mention that he is so flirty. I go to shake his hand but he kisses it instead. I pull it away quickly and hear someone clear their throat behind me.

Standing, looking very annoyed at Dazzle but trying very hard not to show it, is Ed.

"Hello!" I say and get up to see him properly. I'm startled however when he plants a kiss on my cheek, I feel my face flush.

"Hey." he says too quickly for him, it comes out as one sound. I let him pull me to one side.

"Hi?" I repeat again as we stand by an empty table.

"I wanted to wish you good luck for your day, I waited for you this morning too but you'd gone."

"Sorry," I feel bad now, I hadn't thought that Ed would be waiting for me, I was so excited that I went to work as early as possible. "I didn't know you were waiting."

"No problem. So I guess we have lunch at the same time?" He nods his head towards my new friends and Dazzle, who is leaning very close to Marcia as she giggles.

"Yeah. That's good! Are you going to eat with me? Or do you have other plans?"

"I'd rather sit with you, if you don't mind."

Without replying, I lead Ed over to our table.

"Everyone, "I say loudly and they all look up, "This is Ed, Ed, this is Marcia and Emmer, I work with them. And this is Dazzle...I don't really know who he is."

They all say hello to each other, Emmer and Marcia recognise Ed from the Games and have seen him around before. Marcia and Ed get on really well, both coming from Ten (or having been to Ten) they talk about it. I listen in to their conversation for a while, then Emmer whispers in my ear.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

I turn to her, shocked. Then I remember how she just saw him kiss me.

Why would he kiss me like that? In front of everyone?

"We're friends." I answer honestly, because that is as close to the truth as I can get. Friends seems a bit loose for Ed and me but there isn't a word to summarise. Best friend, savour and hero all in one.

I watch Ed. So, what are we?

**Sorry I haven't updated in ages! I've written lots of it I just don't post! Hope you like the new chapter! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

Whistle- Chapter 6

Days become less boring while I work. When I'm not working, I spend time with Emmer and Marcia or Ed. I eat lunch and dinner with them everyday now which suits me just fine. They all get along and Thresh joins us too.

Marcia and him get along really well. For Thresh, who won't even say hello if he doesn't know who they are, he's friendly. That makes me happy and jealous all at the same time. I don't love Thresh in that way, but it was nice being the person he could talk too. It's selfish but I'm happy too so it balances. Thresh insists they are just friends.

Ed and I are just friends now. Neither of us brought up the kissing again. It occurred to me that he could be waiting for me to kiss him but I'm too shy to try it. We hang out at our assigned rooms, talk, play paper games and just act normal. Occasionally, I'll catch him watching me but he always looks away.

I'm upset but no enough to ask him about it.

Every time I get sad or angry I work like I used to. When I think of my family, I work over my tears to distract myself. I've gained back most of the weight I lost in the last month, making me look healthier. Thresh and I get closer, we don't talk about home still but we talk about other things. I ask him about school and he asks me about work.

There are times where I wake up screaming and I think Thresh might be outside, hesitating whether or not to come in because I hear creaking but he never does. He can't fix my nightmares. On nights where they are bad, I don't sleep. I draw or work my way through the night, trying not to blink.

Amy thinks I'm amazing, a great worker. I take extra home or come early and stay late Mostly, I cope out faded or scruffy work of hers or another worker's or I sort through files and file them in the right place. Easy but distracting work. Nothing I can't handle.

I stop having to take pills altogether and I no longer have to visit a therapist. My ugly scar on my stomach still stands out but less now. Everything is healing.

It's not until the Victor's tour that I start to worry. My nightmares get worse as I remember the Games, soon Katniss and Peeta will make their way across the Districts, including eleven and make a speech. Katniss will properly have to talk about me. I'm not sure if Peeta will too.

I decide I won't watch and Thresh tells me he will tell me if anything interesting happens. Unlikely. The victory tour is about keeping the fear and memory alight, rather than to spice things up a little.

I watch the opening, to see Katniss and Peeta come out and get on a train. She runs to him and they end up in the snow, laughing and playing around. Fascinated, I have to pull myself away. I still have no idea if Katniss is in love with Peeta at all.

She's so kind to him, when she smiles at him sometimes...it's like she is, but other times she can't even look him in the eyes. That's the problem with her, she doesn't trust people enough. Katniss never wanted any allies, she only took me because I helped her and reminded her of Prim. Never trusted Peeta or believed that he loved her.

The next day they reach Eleven. I don't want to see it, the place I used to call home.

I head for Ed's room, where I told him I'd meet him when he finished work. Amy told me to take the day off to watch the tour of eleven and I didn't tell her I wasn't going to be watching. Ed only has to work a half day and a day spend with him is by far better than working. I knock politely with no answer. Then again much harder.

"Hello?" he says from behind the door.

"It's Rue! What's going on?"

He take in a deep breath I can hear through his door. Then says in a panicked voice, "Just go Rue!"

I hear a thud and the door shudders slightly. "Run Rue!" he cries as the door swings open to release a officer of Coin's. I take off into a sprint and fly down the corridor that fills with Ed's cry of pain. I hesitate, hopping back on my own feet, but take off again when I here him yell go again. There's nowhere to run but Thirteen. Nowhere is away from them. I run back to my apartment, just as Thresh is opening the door to get in, the officer behind me the entire time. I grab Thresh and throw him inside, luckily being taken off guard helped me push him over and slam the door shut, locking it.

"Thresh? Something bad is happening!" I say to him as he gets up.

"Rue, I just saw Eleven! The speech!"

I loom at the happiness on his face, still showing through confusion. "They're alive!"

"Who?" I say woozily, as the door bang through the locks.

"Our families!"

I only have enough time to think of that. My parents. Stella, Fluer, Jude, Felix and Lily are all alive! Breathing. Alive. Before the door is pulled down and several offices pull me down on the ground and tie me up with thick rope.

"Thresh!" I scream as I kick and squirm my way around the people, biting and throwing my head back to get away. Somewhere I hear him scream my name back, desperate and angry. He must be able to see me because he yells, "You're bleeding!"

I can't feel anything, I still fight with all my strength. I scream out, a long high strangled sound that whirls around my head. My eyes roll back and forth, only seeing a few things. A face. A hand holding me down. The ceiling. I can't see Thresh but I can hear him. Other people's shouts. Not his, I know his scream.

From in fount of me someone's hand slaps me right across the face. It burns and then I feel something hot trickling down that mixes with the tears. Blood.

"One more move and we'll kill her!" says an angry woman from the corner. I hear a loud thud and struggle to keep my eyes open.

"No!" I yell with a last breath, a hand clamps over my mouth, followed by a cloth that chokes me.

Someone wraps a cloth around my eyes.

Everything goes black.

**Oh, cliffhanger! I like Cliffhangers on my own stories! :D Because I know what's going to happen. Sorry this chapter is a bit bitty, I'm so tired and I just wanted to post. Sorry if none of it makes an sense! I don't own the Hunger Games! **


	7. Chapter 7

Whistle- Chapter 7

A pained wince escapes from my throat as someone shoves me forward. Someone is taking me to Coin, I know it. Funny, she sent people to get us that can't even hold down a nineteen year old boy without threats. Thresh is quiet now, which is either better or worse then him fighting.

My nose rams into a door that someone used my face to open. It stings and adds to the blood that is heating my face. It's drying in some places, getting a new layer of fresh blood. I don't know where I am, or what's happening.

Through my blindfold, not even a hole remains, it's so tight it hurts around my head that's pounding. A ringing has started in my ears that makes it even worse.

But my family, they're alive! Really alive, Thresh saw them! They are in Eleven, breathing!

That keeps me from lashing out, keeps my hands down by my side. They're my reason for not doing anything stupid, not trying to get myself killed. Dying must be easier than what Coin will do to me. My head can only imagine small possibilities.

Torture.

Locking me up.

And the worse one, making me forget.

I don't want to live my life without them, lose them again.

And not even realise.

Somehow, it should have accrued to me that they lied to me, about my family being dead. Makes me not want to go home or run away. A easy idea that stops me from returning.

Another door, this time it's opened for me, I hear the hinges creaking.

"Rue!" I hear Ed call frantically. "Rue!" It's muffled, but closer.

I bite down hard on my cloth that gags my mouth, it's coated in blood and fills my mouth with a metallic taste. I try to answer but it leaves me struggling to breath as someone presses on my throat, stopping the air reaching my lungs. They burn like fire.

I'm thankful when Thresh answers, "She's here Ed! They got us!"

A loud slapping sound come, they must have hit him. The person leaves my throat alone as I start to wriggle.

"Rue! Rue! Just do what they say! Don't get hurt! Please!" Ed yells to me.

I can't reply. He hasn't done anything wrong I want to scream, let him go! It's nothing to do with him, this is Thresh and 's fight with Coin. We're the ones she has to keep here, not him.

Not Thresh or Ed. Don't kill them. I repeat the phrase over and over in my head, like they'll here me.

Coin can't kill them. They're not a person in thirteen who doesn't know who we all are, who wouldn't notice if we went missing!

_In an accident. _

_Killed going crazy. _

_Surprise attack._

The tributes of the 74th Hunger Games were murdered in self defence.

It's surprising what people will believe.

"Rue!"

"Rue!"

The darkness is worse, not knowing where I am. Feelings tell me I'm heading for a secret place in thirteen, a prison maybe?

It doesn't matter what they do to me, just not Thresh, Ed or my family. Nothing can happen to them.

I hear a loud throat clear and whoever holds me lets me fall to the ground. Actually, they just let me go and my legs can't hold me up. The floor is hard and cold and someone removes my ropes from my wrists. They burn from the friction and I yank off my blindfold, to see a white room.

_A white room. _

With red splatters leading to a very injured looking Ed who is tied up with chains. His face is swollen and bloody and his eyes are looking right at me. On my knees, i try to move away towards him but the room spins and I have to stop. Despite my blindfold being removed I can't see properly. There's still a gag in my mouth and I can't get it off. His mouth is clear and he yells again, "Rue! What the hell have you done to her?"

I turn my head and the whole world spins and turns me upside down. My wrist goes down to stop from lying down. Thresh looks less bloody with a puffy and split lip. The worse part is that a trail of blood is coming from his mouth. Not a lot of blood but enough to know he's bleeding in the inside.

_Dying, I think, we're going to die._

It could be better to die. Gone. Better than no life at all in Thirteen.

The very woman herself, Coin, stands, towering over me, with a satisfied look on her face. She nods at the eight soldiers who are in the room and they leave, except one, with no other words. Fully trained. Coin's eyes rip through my own as the guard who is left picks me up. I'm in no state to resist so I get let him wrap the chains around my wrists that keep me pinned to the wall.

He unties my mouth and I gasp for air, letting out a strangled sound of pain. Coin almost smiles.

Coin walks up to me, enjoying her power. For the very first time, I see how I have some power over her. I look over at Ed and Thresh, who's now being chained to a wall too. They're in a lot of pain, I have to get them out as soon as possible, it needs to be quick. Coin knows this and insists on taking her time with whatever it has she has to say.

"You should have listened to me." she snarled cruelly to Ed as his mouth is pulled with a gag. He doesn't even flinch or move. He's not looking at me either any more, at the floor. She grabs his chin so he looks up, his eyes dart around but she pinches him harder in till he looks her in the eyes.

"She's not worth it." Coin carries on, "She didn't even try to save you. She just ran, and saved herself."

"No," I try to say firmly but it comes out bitty and tight, the ache in my voice obvious, "I trusted you enough to do what you told me. What good could I have done if I'd stayed?" The question is aimed at Coin.

She moves over with grace and her hand punches me in the stomach, making me cough.

"Beating up a thirteen year old girl?" I cough out, looking her straight in her evil colourless eyes. They alight with a raging fire.

"Why am I here?" I choke out painfully but still stay strong, I'm not going to let her see my pain if I can help it, "They're both here to punish me. Why am I being punished?"

"You're not being punished, you're being warned."

"Warned? Warned by being beaten, my friends being punished? " My head swirls with the energy this is taking to sound annoyed. I command myself to stop showing pain, I was in the Hunger Games, we all were, we can get through this.

I look at Thresh and Ed with a sorry expression, I can't say it to them yet.

She comes right up to my face and whispers, "One more word, they're dead before you can even say sorry."

No more words, I take the hot blood in my mouth and spit in her face, splattering her with my blood.

"Nine." I say to her. Ed in the background look scared and shocked. Thresh opens his eyes again. And sad, they must think they mean nothing to me, I'd just let them die.

_Please let this work. _

"What?" she gasps, then recovers, giving me an evil smile.

"Nine." I repeat coughing, while ever muscle and brain cell in my body screams at me.

"They are nine people I love. Nine chances to hurt me. Just nine. If you hurt them, there's no one left I can live for. My whole family thinks I'm dead."

She doesn't answer. That's good, it's better than yes.

"Nine people who keep me alive. What happens once you kill them all? What happens then?"

I dare to look over at them, Ed still looks scared and hurt but Thresh is catching on. It was his idea really, he told me before the Games that when he told me the worse way to hurt him would be to kill his sister. Death is quick, death ends everything. Living makes people go crazy.

"You need me. Else you wouldn't have pull me out of that arena. You can't kill me can you?"

Coin struggles to keep her calm posture.

"But I can!" I think about it more. "What happens if I kill myself? Because you can't make me live, not if I choose to die."

I scream out as hits me again, harder this time. I squeeze my eyes shut as all the air leaves my chest.

"Go on then! Kill me."It's nothing more than a statement. I know she can't. I scream out in pain.

The look on her face proves to me she can't kill me, I'm right.

More blood pours from my face, there's a blood of it circling me, it dances and moves around with my eyes.

"I'll do what you want! Leave them alone!" I continue to scream, long and pained because the pain hurts far too much, like an aching and hot ball that spreads all over me. I can't stop. I'm going mad, I can feel it, rising up and making my head spin.

Another pain shots through my body, I have no idea where the blow hit. I'm too far gone to care any more, maybe I was wrong, maybe she will kill me out of anger, use another person. There's 24 more tributes next year to use as her puppets. More easy then me.

My eyes open panic, searching for her their faces but I can't see them. White surrounds me, the colour of peace and balance. Glowing like light.

Fear, pain and angry swells up inside me. It hurts so much. I don't want them to die. I still look for them behind her.

Her eyes are right there, in front of me.

Specks of colour flash like darts before my eyes.

"Please let them go." I gasp out.

She laughs.

**Another cliffhanger! Sorry, I hope this chapter wasn't too bad with blood or anything. It is the Hunger Games technically! Hehe! Next chapter soon! Thank you for all my reviews I've had so far, you're all so nice! :D **


	8. Chapter 8

Whistle- Chapter 8

"_Rue," whispers my mother, "Rue, come home." _

_Her comforting face is lost in the mist and I know I won't able to find her any more, she's too far away. _

"_I want to." I tell her. "But I can't."_

* * *

I wake up in a cold sweat, still hung by the wall in chains. Thresh is awake.

"Rue?" he asks, he sounds scared. I look around, expecting Coin to be hiding not she's not anywhere that I can see, we are alone, except Ed, who is either sleeping or knocked out.

"Rue?" he asks again.

"Hi." I say back and see a sigh of relief.

"What?" I ask, panicking. What did I do?

"Don't you remember?"

I nod slowly, pulling slightly at my chains. "I'm sorry."

He tells me it doesn't matter, that he knows I knew what I was doing, he should have trusted me more, should have realised I had some sort of plan. Ed stirs and I wait for him to wake up. He looks terrified at the very sight at me. My face feels crusty from the blood, it hurts to move it.

"You were mad." Ed says, sounding mean and completely unlike himself.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Shut up!" he yells and I slam back into the wall, making my head sting again. He's mad at me. I don't talk, I turn my head away to hide my tears from him.

Thresh tries to reason with him, "Ed, she knew what she was doing." he snaps angrily at him.

"No, she hoped it would work." he snaps right back.

_Don't get mad at him. It's not his fault, I tell myself. _

"I didn't know what else to do!" I cry out, immediately regretting it. I turn to him and watch as he says, "Liar."

Thresh turns to face him, to yell. His jaw is clench tight with his fist that are still in chains. His are better then mine, I tug at my wrists as blood trickles from the thin slices they have made.

I look at his eyes, usually green. They're much darker, the pupils much bigger than usual.

"Ed? Did they gave you something?" I ask calmly.

"No!" he snaps harshly. "They just told me everything!" Tear spill down my cheeks and I continue to tug at my chains that hold me in the air. More blood spills down my arms as I thrash out, screaming out. "Coin! Coin!"

The door opens as Thresh goes to yell again. Two guards come in and pull me down, the chains snapping rather than coming off.

Coin is waiting outside.

"Eight." she says to me.

* * *

I'm taken to the hospital, where doctor and nurses fix me up. They give me morphing that soothes me and when I start causing a fuss when the guard tells them I tried to kill myself, they inject me with something. It keeps me swimming along, not putting me to sleep.

She tricked Ed, made him hate me rather than killing him.

To hurt me, to punish me.

When they let me go, two days later with new white bandages and a new therapist. I run back to my room and find Thresh sitting on the chair, looking very worried. He gets up when he sees me and gives me a long and tight hug. He looks better, with much more colour and liveliness.

"I'm sorry." I say to him and he repeats it, laughing slightly.

"Coin did this to me, not you." he corrects me.

"She did it because of me." I correct him back.

"She still did it."

"Why do you have to say sorry?"

He looks uncomfortably at me for a second, than pulls me to sit on his lap on the chair. I don't object like I usually would, I rest my chin on his shoulder.

"After you left, and they let me go, I hit Ed."

"Oh. I say, not offering an opinion to him. I'm too tired to even think about Ed, how long will this last? A day? A month? A lifetime? How can I eplain they lied to him? What did they tell him? What could have made him hate me so much?

I shut my eyes to shut out the world and fall asleep.

* * *

It's not soon enough. I go to work the very next day, at lunch he doesn't even glance in our direction, he goes to sit with another group of people. I want to talk to him but I can't.

Thresh is the only one who understands. He tells Emmer and Marcia (who heard that some mental patient beat me up) that Ed and I had a fight and to leave it at that. My wrist bleed often when I work but they soon clear up. After a week they have stopped and it's better.

A week of Ed not talking to me. He walked past our table and caught my eyes but it flicked away and no more is said.

* * *

My nightmares are getting worse, I dream that my family are killed. In one horrible dream, Ed kills them all and then me. Stepping in my blood like a puddle. I wake up and rush to the bathroom to be sick. I'm allowed to watch the eleven tour. It breaks my heart to see my family, all crying. My mother has aged a lot as has my Dad.

They get money from Peeta, which I mentally thank him for. Then Katniss gives her speech about me, it sends me into floods of tears, She thinks I'm dead and I can't tell her I'm not. For her to say she sees me in her sister Prim, must be really hard. She looks tortured and in pain because of my death.

* * *

One morning, I wake up panting and screaming because I had a nightmare I was under water, Ed was above the water and he reaches out to help me but then pushes me down further until I go limp. I wake up flailing around in my blanket. That's it, I have to know.

I move out silently, to not awake Thresh. He might already be awake, I was screaming really loudly when I woke up but he doesn't come out.

I make my way to his room, not stopping so I don't change my mind. It opens in a few minutes, to show a very sleepy looking Ed, wearing a t-shirt and pyjama bottoms. I'm still wearing my pyjamas too, with no shoes on. He looks shocked.

We wait for the other person to talk until he finally says, "Do you want to come in?"

I shake my head, I just need to talk to him and go home. I try to read his expression but it's too dark.

"Rue," he starts, "I know how mad you must be at me but..."

"What?" I interrupt, "Mad at you?"

"Well, yeah." he says confused, "I said some bad things to you and I promise I didn't mean any of them, they told me things that I was stupid to believe but I was hurt and dizzy and I shouldn't have listened. I wanted to talk to you but... You didn't talk to me!"

I shush him, "I though you still hated me!"

He reaches out to me and holds me tightly, laughing slightly.

"I'm sorry." we say in unison.

"Who's there?" barks a man from down the corridor with a low, gruff voice.

Ed pulls me inside his apartment and lightly shuts the door.

"Is he gone?" I ask a few silent minutes later, finding it slightly amusing.

"I don't know, why? Do you really have to go so soon?" he says cheekily, coming to sit down next to me on the sofa, he pulls me towards him and kisses me on the forehead.

"I missed you." he says gently.

"I missed you too." I say back. He leans in and I feel his lips brush against mine, gently. It makes me feel dizzy, but in a pleasant way.

We move in closer, my hands go up into his hair as I run them through it slowly. He laughs slightly, happily and strokes my cheek. I lean my head against his chest and we both fall asleep in each other's arms.

Yay! Everything's better again with Ed and Rue! I know I don't explain in properly but basically, Coin told Ed a bunch of bad things that Rue had done and whatnot, so he didn't trust her. But once he thought it through he realised that they were lying! Next chapter soon! I noticed that lots of people add their name at the end of their note so I thought I would too!

~Lottie


	9. Chapter 9

Whistle- Chapter 9

I leave to go to work before Ed wakes up, I go and get his blanket and wrap it around him.

_No nightmares. _

It still wasn't the best night for sleep, I arrive at work heavy eyed and quiet. Emmer comes over to me, "Spill, where were you last night?"

"What?" I cough out a fit, chocking on the air. She looks mischievous.

"Come on Rue! Thresh came and asked me before you got in if I was with you yesterday, he woke up in the middle of the night and you were gone!"

I shirt in my chair, rereading the same sentence for the seventh time, and still not taking in any words.

"I was at Ed's." She burst into laughter.

"What?" I say hurt, "What's so funny?"

"It's a good thing! So what happened?" she comes right up close like I'm about to say a secret. Marcia has the day off today.

"We talked and sorted things out."

She sighs and leans back. "That's it? God, Rue. I thought you'd have some decency to come in with some good gossip!"

I give her a fake dirty look. "All we did was kiss." I shut my eyes for a moment, killing my insides for saying that aloud.

_You are an idiot! _

"You kissed!" she shrikes excitingly and goes quiet when I shush her.

I give her a whatever look and carry on with my work.

"Come on!" she begs, sitting on my desk.

"Do you ever do any real work?" I ask and she shakes her head like I asked the stupidest question ever.

"Sometimes." she answers.

"I'll tell you my secrets if you tell me yours!" I say and she grins at me.

"Ask me anything!"

I stare at her, "Fine." I huff, "How many boys have you kissed?"

"None." she says with no pause.

"That's a lie! You said you'd kissed someone!"

"Yeah," she says, "A girl!"

I look up at her, "Who?"

"No names! Now, how many times have you kissed Ed?"

"A few." I admit, willing her to stop talking or my cheeks will melt.

"A few!" she says delighted, just as Ed himself walks through our office door. I shove her onto the floor quickly to get her to shut up. She laughs again and stands up.

I look up at him, hoping he didn't hear. Emmer looks at him and gives a cunning smile.

"Emmer, can you give us a second please?" I just need her out of here.

"Of course," she walks behind him and mouths kissing at me. Ed turns to see her ducking down to show vomiting. She recovers by bowing down to her and saying in a posh accent, "Sir. I must leave you two alone." and tiptoeing out the room.

I have to bite down on my lip to stop myself laughing.

"Hi." he grins at me cheekily.

"Hello." I take up my pen and carry on copying out my new letters. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. I've got to go and see Coin later."

I stop. "Coin? What does she want?"

"No idea, properly a job for me or something, don't worry too much."

"What if she..." I can't say it. Does it again?

"Nothings going to happen to me."

Judging by Coin's evil background, I can see that he is lying. I keep my head down.

"Look, I wasn't going to tell you but since I have lied to you a lot, I thought I'd better tell you the truth."

I still don't look at him so he sighs and goes to leave.

"Please don't get hurt?" I say just as he touched the door handle to open the door. He nods and blows me a kiss.

"You worry far too much." he says jokingly as he walks out.

Yeah, so I've been told.

Emmer walks in, dying to know everything. "Nothing has happened Emmer." I tell her tiredly.

Not yet anyway.

**Hi! Sorry it's a short chapter, I'll make the next one longer! How are you liking my story so far? Please leave me a review to let me know! It's great hearing what you think! :D**

**~Lottie**


	10. Chapter 10

Whistle- Chapter 10

I walk home after work, rather then going to the hall with Emmer. I haven't told her why I am worried about Ed, or what happened the other night. I can't add yet another person to my list of people that Coin can use against me.

My threat wasn't empty thought. To save my family, I'd kill myself. Without a doubt. And even Coin knows that. But there would be ways to stop me, I need to think of a better plan. If they lock me up in a padded room, keep me knocked out, I wouldn't be able to do it. If they just need to alive then that would work. If that happens, I have to hope that Thresh or Ed would know to end it all.

Ending everything can't happen right now. I die, then Coin will kill Thresh and Ed. She never wanted Thresh to be alive anyway.

I pace up and down the living room, head down, waiting for Thresh to come home so I can talk to him. He'll understand, he might even be able to help me.

After a lifetime of waiting, he walks through the door, immediately looking at me with worry.

"Ed had to go see Coin today." I speed out, stopping pacing.

"I just saw him, relax. He says she just wanted to make sure he hadn't told you anything else. He's fine. But he did tell me to tell you, you can't go round. Not today." Thresh assures me he is fine and I take his work for it, he wouldn't lie to me.

I don't answer. Thresh might not lie to me, but Ed does. Consentingly.

I take a new sheet of paper and think back a few days when we were locked in the room, with Coin standing above me. I start to draw, scribbling away at my paper. I haven't got colours so I can't show the red blood. That doesn't matter, I can remember it.

I trace the stitches on my face, black and horrible. The doctor didn't do a very good job at all. Coin might have told her too make it look bad, everyone was told different stories about my cheek. Unsurprisingly, none of them were right.

Thresh goes to get some dinner, I politely decline his invitation, caring on with my work. They just gave me a huge piles of paper work, over a thousand pages. All their files about the Hunger Games. All the names, all their information and what happens to the Victor. I don't read the names as I write them, so many children who died. So many who were as scared as I was.

I try to remember what it was like before the Games, before they ruined my life. The Capitol destroyed everything. The day of the reaping I remember, hearing my name get called out, saying goodbye to Mum, singing to them all. It hurts to remember, more then it did the first time.

It's not getting any better, now I know they're alive. Now, I just have another 7 people I love that I can't protect. Nightmares haunt my dreams and real life. It's hard to tell which one is which. Even dreaming about eleven, playing with Fluer, singing with Lily, fighting with Felix, working with Cassia and Tacitus. All of it seems like a horrible nightmares that makes me hurt, makes me want to hide and cry.

Tears slide down my cheeks. All of that seems so far away, all of it is like a memory of when I was a child, distant and murky. When I was a child, I feel so grown up now, like my childhood is gone. No parents to tell you when bed time is or tell you what to eat. I get to make most of my own choices now, and I really hate it. I want my Mum to sing to me when I have bad dreams.

I don't want to grow up.

**The 56th Hunger Games**

I take in the title, 56 down, only 18 left to go. Every name is a pin in my chest, I'm struggling to breath. Each sheet of paper has a picture, name, age, district, training score, kill list and death written on it. I have to copy it all out.

Name: Gemma Willow

Age: 12

District: 11

Training score: 6

Kills: X

Death: Starvation on the sixth night, she was trapped in a hole in the ground for three days. She was mad before it happened.

The girl has light brown hair and bright brown and gold eyes. She's very skinny, like most of the others and has a sweet smile. I push away the paper again. I know she is still there, eyes full of life. She might have still been alive f the Games hadn't chosen her, had children, gotten married. She was only twelve, only a child.

She's not the only one I've read, once I got working on the whole thing, I started to read everything. Each name means more to me now, another story. I dream them every night, how they might have died. I know what they all look like. Each Games is horrible, but I don't want anyone to forget the name.

Thresh tells me to stop it, tell Amy I can't finish the work because it upsets me. He comes in and I'm crying after reading another story. The Victors have horrible stories too, most of their family is killed in an 'accident' or they are tortured. These stories are the real things, no Capitol lies mixed in with them.

All of them are real.

It's taken a month to sort out all these so far, the Victor's stories are long, sometimes over ten pages, if a lot has happened to them. Each visit to the Capitol, each close death to them written in detail. Most pages have faded and worn from all the year, making them harder to read. I fill in some of the easier gaps, and ask Amy about the few others. Some times, she can find out what happened to them, by asking older people or looking through other records, other times, she just tells me to leave them blank.

This month has been one of the worse months since I got here. I've been in and out of hospital because of my cheek and other cuts Coin inflicted on me, Coin also told Ed he isn't allowed to see me any more, we try to meet up in our old places but it's much harder now. We lose our comfort with each other, it's harder to talk to him. Our meetings are brief and rare.

It sucks.

Thresh isn't around a lot, he got a job as well as schooling. So he's gone pretty much the whole day. Marcia moved departments so I never get to see her much any more.

Today, I am going to go and watch them show the photo shoot of Katniss' wedding dresses with Holly and her Mum. It was said last night that they would be one. I'm excited to see Katniss again, after reading all the stories about previous victors, I'm really worried about Katniss. What if they kill her family? Her little sister Prim?

But if she's getting married, she must be alright. I watched Peeta proposal, it was amazing. It's nice to see Peeta on T.V too, after watching his pale, dying face after he was cut, it's lovely to see the better fed, happy Peeta I see on T.V.

I walk down to the main room, with the big, if slightly battered T.V. It crackles occasionally but it's good nevertheless. I see Cinna, Katniss' amazing designer, the one who set her on fire, talking about different styles. I watch some of the dresses, they are beautiful but in a Capitol kind of way. All very poofy and over the top, with too many thrills and pearls for my liking. Katniss does look breath taking in them all, I can't pick a favourite of the six.

Caesar carries on after the wedding dresses are over, announcing that it's time for the reading of the card.

"On the twenty-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the repels that their children are dying because of their choice to initiate violence, every district was made to hold an election and vote of the tributes who would represent it."

That must have been awful, knowing you sent two children to their deaths. Someone called Callie Thorn won that year, 18 and a Careers from four. Her father was murdered in a accident with machinery, her Mother died of grief. Callie died in her sleep a few years ago, all alone, never married with no kids. No twelve year old were chosen that year, most of them were eighteen.

"On the fiftieth anniversary as a reminder that two rebels died for each Capitol citizen, every district was required to send twice as many tributes."

So many children were sent that year, that was the year Katniss and Peeta's mentor won, Haymitch. His Mother, Father and his sweetheart were murdered a few weeks after he got the crown. He's a drunk now, all alone still.

"And now we honour our third Quarter Quell."

A boy steps forward and I wonder why he is there, a winner of some prize? A punishment? He could just be a server to the President.

"On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."

I can't hear what everyone else is saying, over the sounds of my own screams.

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but thanks for reading! :)

~Lottie


	11. Chapter 11

Whistle- Chapter 11

Katniss. Peeta. Going back, all going into the arena. Snow planned this! There's no way that card was written 75 years ago! No way! One of them will go back, one will come out, there's a chance neither of them will come out.

Everything runs into madness . People running through, I hear people talking. I fall to the ground in the corner, hands in my ears, eyes squeezed shut to block out the world. Someone tries to move me, other people just tread on my feet as they go past.

Vaguely, I remember falling asleep, or passing out. Unsure of which. I wake up in my own bed, my duvet chocking me as I move around. Katniss' night must have been worse then mine, and Peeta's. Every Victor will know by now, be preparing for the worst.

With a few months, they could be more prepared. Having months to prepare is better than the hour we all got to say goodbye. I think of all the Victors I read about, all their horrible, sad stories of the Capitol's cruelty. Some of these Victors will have no one to say goodbye to.

Thresh taps on my door. "Rue?" he says softly, "You awake?"

"No." I call back as I get up, I'm not awake. I'm dead. And this is hell. Hell on Earth. Everyone is going to die that I care about, everyone I love will die. There's no one left any more, Coin will kill my family, Thresh, Ed, all of them and I'll die alone, just like the Victors. I'm no more of a winner than they are.

Katniss could live but Peeta will die. Despite her lack of love, I can't imagine Katniss would want to spend her life without Peeta. Peeta will die to save Katniss, again and again. He always did and always will.

Because he loves her.

Walking out of my bedroom, I notice we are not alone. Emmer sits causally on a chair, swinging her legs as she hums a tune. She greets me happily.

"Good news, they're going to help Katniss get out the arena. And Peeta. And some of the other Victors. Like they did with you."

"Yeah, they really should have left me down there." I voice out loud, without meaning to.

"Don't say that!" snaps Thresh, "You weren't suppose to die."

"It's a war," I burst out emotionally, "People die in wars."

To me, my own war is just starting. Coin against me. As long as she fights, so do I. It's only a matter of time before I'm dead, why shouldn't they have left me to die when I was supposed too? In Katniss' arm while she sang to me. I was at peace with it all, living is so much harder than this, the people I care about would be safer!

Emmer doesn't talk as we walk to work. I welcome the silence.

"Katniss won't die, they'll save her. And Peeta. I know they mean a lot to you and all with the Games but I'm sure thirteen will rescue them." she floods out with, sounding unhappy.

"I hope so." is all I can manage to say.

I work my way through the next few Games, realising that Katniss and Peeta could face any one of them. Tales of having children, those ones are the worse, the Victors who have gotten married and had children of their own.

More deaths haunt my life, I see the faces of the children everywhere, in everyone's faces, in corridors, it's like ghosts are following me around.

Days of this go past, with little sleep. It's hard to sleep when my dreams are plagued with screams of children I never met, that I wasn't born to help. They call my name, some of them I reach just as they die, others I kill myself. Never on purpose. One tiny girl, who looks no more than nine, hurts me more then ever. I make to her just as she is stabbed in the back. I sing to her as she dies, like Katniss did to me.

Anna crosses my mind, the girl from Eight who built a fire on the first night of the Games, and was killed. Peeta was there with me, we watched her die. If I hadn't been such a coward, she might have still been alive, out lived me and I could have got them to save her. But I didn't help her, I as good as killed her.

I wonder what the boy who killed me must have felt like. He died before I did. Marvel, from one. He just threw a spear at me. I saw his face after he'd done it, cold, hurt, tortured. He never should have been in the Games, he was too scared.

He look at what he'd done before he died. For those last minutes, did he hate himself? Was he scared? When I was dying, I wasn't that scared. Not as much as I thought I would be. I was sure I was going to die.

Katniss song comes into my mind,

**_"Here it is safe, here it is warm_**

**_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_**

**_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow bring them true_**

**_Here is the place where I love you."_**

Her song was beautiful. She thinks I'm dead. Peeta, my parents, all think I'm dead. Will I ever see them again? Thirteen should have brought them here by now if they were going to. I can't go back to Eleven. I'll never be able to see them again.

How did they explain that there was no body? Did they say they had buried me or they made a fake grave for me? That they lost my body?

Do they have a grave for me? Do they put flowers by it? Talk to my body like I can hear them?

I wish I could know.

Does Katniss really see me in so many places? Does she look at her sister and see me? I hope not. I hope it was all lies. I don't want Katniss to be sad, I don't want her to remember me at all.

It's not fair. None of this. I want Snow to stop all of this. All the starvation, the Hunger Games, the Districts living in fear. Everything.

And Peeta, who saved my life during the Games, who left me to save me and kept me going. Peeta, the sweet boy who only wanted Katniss to be safe. That's all he ever wanted, so how must he feel now?

I want to live knowing everyone is happy, everyone has someone they love. Those Victors, they must have had someone they wanted to come home too, a reason to fight and live and now they have nothing. Katniss could turn out like that. If Peeta dies in the Quell, her family could be murdered, and then she'll just be like the rest of them, living in a Capitol prison, in their own homes.

What's the use of having money if she has no one to spend it with or on? What's the pointo f living in a huge house if there's no one but you in it? How is it fair? It's not. It's the Capitol.

I don't want Katniss to be alone.

But then, I don't want her to die either.

**Sorry I haven't updated in ages! School and whatnot! But I hope you all like it and please review! :) Happy reading! **

**:D**


	12. Chapter 12

Whistle- Chapter 12

I scan quickly though the names and details on all my papers, not really taking in any of the names any more. Too many. Tears have already formed in my eyes as I reach the 73rd Games. I copy out the last name, a girl from 12 called Daisy. Killed by a mutt, that ate her insides.

I stop short of looking at the 74th Hunger Games. But then, this should be the easiest one to write out, as I know what happened to all of them and who they all were. Most of them anyway. Still, what if I get credit for killing Sepal and Glimmer with the tracker jackers? It wasn't me who dropped that nest on them, it was Katniss but I gave her the idea.

If their names are on my list, then I killed them. It's official. I stole their life from them. Both those girls could have had a chance at winning. I don't want to be responsible. I was only trying to help Katniss. I could have killed Peeta too.

Looking at my file will only clear my mind slightly, or confirm my worries. I glance up around the room, Marcia and Emmer are at lunch, which Marcia still has at the same time as us. I can't even get them to do it for me. I open the file before I can stop myself. Katniss' kill list s the longest, with Cato and Clove's being long too. Thresh name catches my eyes, with only one name next to it.

And mine...

My name isn't on there.

No.

No.

That can't be right.

It's got to be a mistake.

On the girl's tribute list, there's another girl on there, aged 15. I don't recognise her at all.

A mistake, it's a mistake.

Someone got it wrong, and no one changed it.

So why does it scream at me?

No.

I push the papers across the room, making them scatter like butterflies. I snatch the one up that has my name on it, my picture. I let out a sigh. It was a mistake.

I read down the page.

No.

No.

"No!" I cry out, crushing the paper in my hand and throwing it across the room.

I was never suppose to be in the Games.

Ever. I was never meant to be reaped. At all.

_How cruel, the Capitol having a little, innocent girl to die. People get angry, people start to question the Capitol. _

_So perfect, that she had a family. My sister's screaming out was shown when I was reaped, my brother's tears. My family was shown more than any other tribute's. _

_I only helped them! Trying to help the other tributes when my own life was in danger. The girl who could help everyone but herself. I was meant to die in a bad way, to show the true horrors of the Games. _

_They made sure Katniss was near, they led the boy right to me, they knew Katniss wouldn't leave me to die alone. _

_Them rescuing me was a way to show how thirteen is better than the Capitol, more merciful and kind, everything a leader should be. That's why I'm alive, so they can hold me up and say, 'look at us! We saved your little child!'_

Without thinking, I run out of my office, down the corridor, towards the diner to get Thresh. I want Thresh, I need to talk to him. He'll know what to do. I look around for him, I can't see him anywhere!

Someone taps me on the shoulder and I spin around, expecting soldiers to come and take me away but instead, I see a very concerned Ed standing there.

"Are you okay?" he asks worriedly.

No. No. No. Not Ed.

He was part of it all.

"Don't." I say breathlessly. Don't try and act like you care. "You knew." I whisper so only he can hear me. I take off running again before he can say anything. There's no where for me to go. I can't go back, I can't go to the apartment.

Ed knew all about it. Why else would he be in the Games?

He got me to tell the audience my dreams for my doomed future, got me to tell them all about my family.

All for the Games.

All for the rebellion.

I trusted him!

Before I even realise it, I'm at our old hide out, in the stationary cupboard. I haven't been here for ages, I can see Ed in public now.

Was that all just more to his job? Were we even friends at all?

No, it couldn't have been. Otherwise he couldn't have kept seeing me in secret, he wouldn't have gone to see Coin. I'm not on camera any more. Part of me must trust him or I wouldn't have come here, to where he knows I like to hide. If I didn't want him to find me, I should have gone somewhere else.

I don't know what to think. So I was never meant to be reaped, my name was planted into the reaping so I was always meant to go in. But why? To get the Capitol mad about a little girl's death? Twelve year olds die almost every year, so why am I so different?

When the door comes open, I curl up tighter in a ball to hide. It's not Ed that walks through the door but a small, skinny woman with wavy dark hair. She looks around a little and then spots me. I hold my breath slightly but she doesn't tell me off, she climbs up the stairs to sit next to me.

"Hi." she says softly, it's not forced, that's her natural tone.

When I don't answer, she talks again.

"I came looking for you."

"How did you find me?" I mumble, brushing tears away.

"I was always the best at hiding." she replies, like that solves me question. She has green eyes that sparkle.

"How are you?" I don't need another therapist.

"I'm Annie. I'm a Victor."

"No you're not." I immediately respond. Too kind to be a Victor.

"I'm from four. I won the Games 5 years ago. My name is Annie." she adds her name to herself, rather than to me. I've heard of her, Annie Cresta. She won the Games... five years ago? I think it was her. She went mad I heard, during the Games. I read her profile. It was just her and her Mum, I think her Mum passed away naturally. She doesn't seem very mad. Kind, sweet and good, that must make her mad, because how could anyone not see the cruelty of everything?

"Why are you here?" I sigh, swallowing a sob.

"Because of the Quell."

Of course, as a Victor, she could get reaped too.

"I'm sorry." is all I can say.

"You're upset." she says matter of factly.

"Yes." no point in lying when my face is red and swollen from crying. "I was never suppose to be in the Games." She doesn't say anything so I carry on. "They used me for their rebellion!"

"I know."

So lots of people knew. Except me.

She continues, "My friends Finnick told me what they were using you for, I was worried about you when I saw you in the Games so he told me. He told me about the rebellion, about what they are trying to do. He wants me to go away but I won't leave him. Especially not now."

Finnick? It must be Finnick Odair. From four too. He won the Games at the age of 14, one of the youngest ever Victors. Melly told me about him. I read about him, no family left either, he was forced into selling his body as well for the Capitol.

"You want this to happen? You want people to die?" I ask.

"People already die everyday Rue, because of the Capitol. I want Finnick and everyone else to be happy."

She stares into the wall and I wonder what she is seeing.

"You love him." I don't even ask her, just state it. She nods, never moving her eyes away from the wall.

"So you knew that were going to use me?" I ask her.

She finally looks right at me, I see her sea coloured eyes swimming with tears that glisten in the dim light.

"I knew they were going to save you." she says distantly, "If you didn't get reaped, Thresh would be dead. Peeta might have been too, properly Katniss. I know that Ed might still have a crippled leg or that another twelve year old girl would have been reaped."

"How do you know all this?"

"When people think someone doesn't want to hear, they forget they can listen. Rue, I'm sorry about what happened to you. In really am." she clenches my hands tightly, "But would you rather another girl was here? None of us were meant to be in those Games, they shouldn't even exist. This rebellion could save thousands more children's lives! I was there when they were choosing who to go in, it was between you and another girl. Would you really rather it was her who was here?"

"Who was the other girl?"

"Cassia Sun."

But that means...I smile at Annie. Nothing would have changed because I would have volunteered for my friend. I would still be here.

"Thank you Annie." I say to her as she leaves.

"Your welcome. I'm here for a few days, come see me if you like. It's nice to help someone for a change."

She must feel so bad, being a Victor. Others died so she could win.

Funnily, all I can imagine right now is Cassia being in my place. Cassia being reaped, Cassia's Dad saying goodbye to her, me and Tacitus saying goodbye. She would have hidden away in the Games, she's not a coward but she faints at the sight of blood. Undoubtedly, she would have gone along with the plan better than I would have, she never would have threatened Coin. She would have handled this situation a lot worse than me too.

Katniss and her would have allied up, she reminds me of Prim in a way. They're both small, both kind. Ed would have made friends with her and I'd be at home, never knowing what has happened. Never knowing Thresh properly, he'd die for sure, Cassia never liked him and he never really liked her. I'd never had met Ed or Marcia or Emmer. Emmer would be dead too!

Everything might have changed.

But my family are relatively safe, they're alive with one less mouth to feed. Sad yes, but not dead. Time can heal pain. I have lovely friends who I adore, I'm in one of the safest places I can be in the rebellion even with Coin and I'm bawling in a cupboard while a Victor who has lost everything, including her mind, tries to cheer me up.

_My life could be a help of a lot worse. _

There's no going back, nothing I can do.

But, if I saved people's lives, do I really want too?

**Hope you like the new chapter! I'll try to update again in half- term! Please review! :D**


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